Hour of Need
by ProcrastinationQueen
Summary: What happens when Joan feels like she can't juggle anymore?


**Disclaimers**:  
1. I do not own these characters. If I did, I'd make sure we'd have a season 3.  
2. Some stuff in here may seem out of character. My rationale is people who are grieving and/or depressed sometimes do things they normally wouldn't.

**Hour of Need**

Joan lay curled in her bed in her darkened room. The pillow she hugged to herself was still damp with her tears even though she had stopped crying awhile ago. She simply didn't have any tears left. Everything inside of her had been cried out, leaving her hollow and aching. She wished that feeling would go away, and eventually it did, only to be replaced with numbness. She didn't know how long she lay there until she heard the door quietly open and close. She didn't even look up or acknowledge in any way the person who had just entered.

Adam had been worried about Joan for weeks. More like months, actually. But he'd noticed her struggling more and more lately since Judith died. His concern increased when he entered her bedroom and saw her laying motionless in the dark. He could hear her slightly hitching breath though, and he knew she was awake. Knowing she didn't need any talk right now, he kicked off his shoes, lay down behind her, and put his arms around her. Holding her close he tried to convey his love and understanding without saying a word. As he expected, she remained silent as well.

She felt Adam's warmth and wished it could envelop her and drive away the numbing cold. She felt his lips, soft and warm, on the back of her neck as he buried his face into her hair, and she turned toward that warmth. Even though he held her securely in his arms, he felt far away somehow. Or maybe it was she who was far away. She pressed herself closer to him and kissed him. When he responded, she deepened the kiss. She wanted to be closer still, so she slid her hands beneath his shirt to touch his skin.

Adam was surprised by the sudden contact, and even more so when Joan pulled his shirt off a few minutes later. She kissed him and moved against him in ways he had only dreamed about before. But he sensed her desperation, and alarm bells went off in the back of his mind. Even though he was rapidly losing control, he had to know if she was sure about this. "Jane…" She kissed him quiet, but he tried again. "Jane…" "I need you, Adam", she whispered fervently in a plea/promise/confession and pressed her body more firmly against his. He was lost.

The rest of their clothing came off quickly. Then he was on her and in her. It hurt, but she welcomed the pain. It meant she was feeling something, something real. She clasped him to her and clung to him trying to disappear inside of him. She tried to concentrate only on Adam and imagine that his hands, lips, and body could erase the emptiness, the numbness, and the cold that she felt. She felt the bed rocking gently in time with their movements and was reminded of a boat on water. She wondered absently what the ripples would be.

Heart pounding and breathless, Adam tried to wrap his mind around what had just happened. He hadn't expected this, and he was completely overwhelmed by it. He rolled off of her, and she followed, wrapping herself around him as she had earlier. He thought he should say something, but he didn't have a clue as to what, so he just hugged her tight as she trembled. Eventually, he found enough of a voice to ask if she was going to be ok, and she nodded into his shoulder. As they lay there, he realized just how loud silence could be.

After Adam had left her with a soft kiss and an 'I love you', Joan continued to lay silently in the dark. She pulled on her pyjamas and hugged her pillow again as the emptiness and numbness returned. But then again, maybe they had never left. Exhaustion began to set in too, and she wasn't about to fight it. Her family would be back from Kevin's basketball game soon, and she was determined to be asleep by then. Maybe in slumber she could drift away from all of this. She couldn't decide if she wanted to come back or not.

**A/N**:  
I can't quite decide whether to come back or not either. Should I continue this?


End file.
